Necessities

Is "Putting yourself in someones shoes" a good idea? It is certainly NOT. There's so many of these "Golden Rules", or "Everything I ever needed to know I learned in kindergarten" sayings that are appropriate in life.
Others, like "Putting yourself in someones shoes", is simply not helpful when someone is going through a hard economic time.

Sure, most Americans have been through hard financial times, but they are NEVER the same as another persons'. First of all, our bank accounts are not the same at the start of these financial woes. I may have extra money in the bank to carry me though a few months, you may not. The result is drastically different. You may be forced into applying for government assistance for health care, food, etc. Or, you may have the money to pay for these necessities. The unfortunate American may be forced out of their home with no family around to help them, finding themselves and/or their immediate family living in some shelter until they use up their time and get kicked out into the streets. You may have kids, a lot of kids. I may not. You may require expensive medication, I may not. Times may be different than the last time you were in a hard spot. Things are more expensive now. A job at a fast food place will not suffice in supporting a family. The money is just not enough. You can play the bill system, but if there's not enough money, and time is up, you will eventually receive a red notice in the mail that your electricity will be shut off. Thirdly, what you may consider a "necessity" may be different than what I consider a "necessity", therefore, making yours or my situation "worse"- which is ridiculous to ponder. For example, I consider food, water, shelter, clothing, and certain medications a necessity. I also like to consider my car a necessity, although some may not. I do not think that home decorating, body decorating, owning fancy electronics, or spending money on physical appearances is a necessity. Some people do consider these things a life or death, making my perception of their problem completely different than mine. This is a bad spot for all since it brings comparison into the mix.

Comparison in life situations are rarely beneficial. Comparisons in general, are often not helpful in situations involving depth. They always involve another person, and another person is obviously not you! Another person requires different necessities than you. Another person has a different mind-process as you. Another person is not you, therefore, why would you desire what they have unless you are trying to be that person? It's the same with assumptions. No one really knows the impact a situation has on a person. Their tolerance may be higher or lower. Maybe their tolerance is just worn down because they are tired of not getting any relief that they are seeking. Judging a person's situation is useless, senseless, underproduction, and a sheer waste of time. Offering certain suggestions (like, "Have you tried this? or "Have you tried that?") is downright degrading. Again, my situation requires different necessities than you, so why would your plan solve my problems? Really, I would love to know.

Basically, when times are economically hard, I think the most helpful way a person can be is to simply lend an ear. Sharing your past stories of your woes does not make a person feel better. In fact, I think it has more damaging effects because it downplays a person's situation. You cannot be in someone's shoes unless you are that person. Being empathetic is nice, but trying so hard as to make your situation the same as the person talking to you is insulting.

As for all the people effected by this economic crisis... My positive thoughts and prayers go out to you. I wish you nothing but success and happiness and hope that things will change in your favor soon.

Karen Fjeldheim